Part 3 of 3
21. Love, Approval and Respect:
This is the belief that it is absolutely necessary to have the love and respect of everyone - even people you do not like. If people do not freely give you respect you have a right to get it by manipulation or force. Everyone must idealize you, or your self worth is zero.
Example: You spend a lot of time discussing recommended treatment with a patient who then decides against it. You must be a failure at communicating.
Payoff: You do not have to make any effort to make the relationship work. You do not have to be sensitive to the other person's needs and feelings.
Consequence: You're blind to the fact that you set people up to reject you.
22. Lying by Omission:
Keeping essential information secret either by omitting it or by only answering a question in the narrowest of contexts.
Payoff: You get to pick who knows how much about you. You feel powerful because you can fool others.
Consequence: Others do not trust you.
23. Mind Reading:
You believe that you know what other people think and feel and of course it's always negative. You impose your thought onto others without checking it out to find if what you’re thinking is really true.
Payoff: You never have to deal with doubt. You are always prepared for the worst.
Consequence: You never give yourself or anyone else a chance.
Means that you believe that what you have done is not really important or significant.
Example: I was only speeding 10 miles over the limit.
Payoff: Your actions become unimportant and not really bad.
25. Negative Envy:
An emotion you experience when you discover that someone else has some quality, trait or possession that you want. You endow this quality, trait or possession with magical powers. You know if you had it, then you would be happy. Unlike envy, which can be used in motivation, in negative envy, you are unwilling to put effort into having the desired quality, trait or possession.
Example: If you looked like her you'd be more valuable to the team.
Consequence: Envy eats at you and destroys your relationships with others.
The belief that if you want a person or an object, you have a right to claim it as yours. If you have a relationship with a person that means you own them and that person should do everything you want them to.
Payoff: You have the right to abuse people.
Consequence: You abuse people. Healthy people shun you.
This is the belief that you are totally competent in all you do. If you do not succeed at something, it is someone else's fault. Sometimes you choose not to act for fear you might fail, or you just daydream about the great things you'll accomplish one day. Since you are perfect, you have the right to demand perfection from others. If others fail to measure up your standards, you can ridicule them.
Payoff: You feel superior to other people.
Consequence: You humiliate and embarrass other people. You seldom risk a new activity.
You see yourself as the cause of negative external events for which in fact you had no responsibility.
Payoff: If you believe you caused it, you believe you can fix it.
Consequence: You feel shame, guilt and are involved in endless efforts to right things you can't.
29. Piecemeal Thinking:
There are several types:
Negative thinking: You avoid taking goal directed actions because you know that something bad will happen. All or nothing thinking: You see things as black or white. Events or people are either good or bad.
Payoff: You never have to deal with uncertainty, faith, hope, or ambivalence. You are justified in not putting effort into tasks because they are doomed to fail.
Consequence: You only see a small part of reality.
30. Power and Control:
You expect to control others. Since you are special you think others should obey you. Lying and manipulating are good ways to gain power.
Payoff: You get people to do what you want.
Consequence: You do not know how to have a relationship with others. People avoid you.
To endlessly put off doing things that ought to be done now, until later. It allows you to obsess about what might happen if you took various courses of action without ever having to take a risk.
Payoff: You never have to take risks you are afraid to take.
Consequence: You accomplish little. You're seen as lazy or a poor worker by others.
You hold on to real or imagined pain that others have "caused" you. Your pain turns to anger and rage.
Example: You refuse to work with one team member, because last week she cut you off when you were talking.
Payoff: All your acting out is justified. You can't be held accountable for your actions.
Consequence: You become bitter. You never see your role in your difficulties.
Making excuses and rationalizations for one's behaviors.
Payoff: You do not have to take responsibility for your actions. Your actions are justified.
Consequence: You continuously hurt people and/or yourself because you are justified in doing so.
You care about other people issues when it makes you feel better about yourself. Unfortunately, your gestures of kindness are always motivated by self-interest.
Payoff: You get to pat yourself on the back. Your image is in good standing and you get what you want. Consequence: You do not develop a capacity for concern or true empathy.
35. Should Statements:
You attempt to motivate and guide yourself with should and shouldn't. You believe you have no desire to do things of your free will, that left to your own devices you will do nothing productive. You hold others accountable to the same "shoulds".
Example: I should lose 25 pounds by Christmas.
Payoff: You can rebel against yourself. You can make huge demands of others and be angry if they fail. Consequence: You alienate others placing demands on them.
You take it for granted that things will work out for you. Why shouldn't they? Planning and effort are for ordinary people.
Payoff: You do not have to put any effort into tasks.
Consequence: Lots of your "good ideas" never come to fruition.
You trust no one completely. Other people should trust you completely. You trust people only as far as they allow you to manipulate and control them. You have the right to stop trusting someone as soon as they disagree with you or disappoint you.
Payoff: No one has a right to expect any commitments from you—although you have the right to demand commitments from others.
Consequence: You end up trusting no one since you can't seem to find someone who will do everything you want them to. You experience deep feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Purposefully being unclear to avoid being pinned down and having to be honest.
Example: I guess, probably, maybe, I don't know, I might, I'm not sure.
Consequence: Loss of the growth and freedom that comes from commitment, honesty and integrity.
39. Victim-stance of Self Pity:
A position you take when you are held accountable for your actions. You believe that you are not responsible for your actions and that you are the victim. Anything that goes wrong in your life is someone else's fault.
Consequence: You alienate others because you blame them for your problems. You are always looking for someone to fix things for you and it never happens.
40. Zero State:
Can be defined as the periodic experience of oneself as being nothing - a zero. Zero state has three components.
a. Viewing oneself as worthless.
b. Transparency - everyone else knows that you are worthless.
c. Permanence - this experience will never end.
Payoff: When you are in zero state, you can play the victim and get others to feel sorry for you. Consequence: Despair, hopelessness, suicide and failure to endure adversity.
Thinking errors can make your practice stronger or weaker. Take the time to know and understand which errors you use to get through your day and adjust accordingly to see your practice, individual life and relationships change in positive ways.
If you would like more information, please contact us at info.saltdpm.com
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This is an original lesson by Salt Dental Practice Management